The realization that we are the subject of gossip can be overwhelming, reduce our productivity, and, above all, significantly affect our daily well-being and self-esteem. In this article, I’ll examine the root causes of gossip—where it comes from and what role it plays within a group. I’ll also address how to effectively deal with gossip at work without harming your health or professional standing. Understanding why people gossip and learning proven defense strategies is the first step toward regaining control of the situation and restoring your peace of mind.
Why do people gossip about others at work?
Before we move on to the mechanisms, it’s worth defining the concept itself. According to the Polish dictionary, a rumor is “unverified or false information spread by word of mouth, most often damaging to someone’s reputation.” Gossiping is a specific form of this: deliberately speaking negatively about an absent person with the intent to undermine their competence, character, or standing within a group. To deal with it effectively, however, it’s important to understand where it comes from.
Group dynamics under pressure
Work groups have their own dynamics. When tension arises within a team due to performance pressure, organizational changes, unclear division of responsibilities, or competition for promotion, the group looks for ways to relieve that stress. One such way is to focus attention on a single person: their mistakes, behavior, or work style. Informal roles can emerge within a group, and it sometimes happens that someone—in a given situation, on a specific project, or within a particular team—becomes the target of the group’s frustration. This is neither a permanent nor an inevitable role. It changes with circumstances, and its emergence says much more about the state of the group than about the person who is the focus of attention.
The Personal Problems of Gossips
Research shows that there are several different motives behind gossip: the desire to damage another person’s reputation, building relationships at the expense of a third party, validating one’s own beliefs, or simply venting frustration. People who gossip often have their own unresolved issues, and gossiping is one way for them to cope with those issues, without realizing the impact their actions have on others. To put it bluntly: in an ideal world, such a person should talk to a therapist—they likely have issues that would be worth working through.
There is one more mechanism worth knowing about, because it changes your perspective. In social psychology, there is a phenomenon called “spontaneous trait transfer.” It works like this: when someone describes another person, listeners unconsciously attribute the described traits not to the person being talked about, but to the speaker. This applies to both positive and negative traits. Someone who says you’re incompetent comes across as incompetent in the eyes of the listeners. Someone who describes you as disloyal begins to be perceived as a disloyal person themselves. Gossipers rarely realize this. They create an environment around themselves that demonstrates how others should be treated—and sooner or later, that same environment will begin to apply those same rules to them.
The Dark Triad and Toxic Leadership
If gossiping appears to be deliberate and systematic, it is worth considering the broader context. Research indicates that psychopathic traits are significantly overrepresented among executives compared to the general population. In a study by Babiak, Neumann, and Hare (2010) conducted on a sample of 203 managers participating in development programs, 5.9% of the respondents scored high enough to indicate possible psychopathy, compared to 1.2% in the general population. A person with psychopathic traits does not gossip out of frustration or a need to relieve tension. They do so consciously and instrumentally, as a tool to eliminate competition, build loyalty through fear, and maintain control over their environment.
A separate, though related, issue is the so-called “dark triad” of personality traits, which includes narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. These are three distinct constructs that may or may not occur together. However, when they overlap, we are dealing with a person who combines a lack of empathy and a tendency toward manipulation with cold calculation and a deep need to be the center of attention. In such a case, gossip becomes one of many tools in their arsenal, and its goal is always the same: power and control. This is not management—it is abuse.
How do negative rumors affect our well-being?
The effects of being the subject of gossip at work can be very severe and should not be underestimated. Research indicates that negative gossip in the workplace leads to a significant decline in proactive professional behavior, and perceived anxiety is a key factor mediating this destructive process. When someone is constantly being judged behind their back, they begin to feel constant tension. They start to second-guess their every word and action, which over time leads to chronic stress, a decline in self-esteem, and even a deep sense of social isolation.
People who are the target of negative rumors often also experience a fear of losing their position and reputation, which can consequently lead to them withdrawing from team life, shying away from taking the initiative, and further escalating conflicts. If you recognize these reactions in yourself, it’s not a weakness. It’s a natural response to a genuinely difficult situation.
It’s worth asking ourselves, however: why does gossip hurt so much, even when it comes from people whose opinions we don’t really value? The answer lies deeper than the content of what was said. Baumeister and Leary have shown that the need to belong to a group is one of the fundamental human motivations, hardwired by evolution. For most of our species’ history, exclusion from a group posed a real threat to survival. To this day, the brain reacts to the signal “you might be cast out” in much the same way as it does to a physical threat, regardless of whether that threat is real. That is precisely why a rumor hurts disproportionately to what it can objectively do to you. It’s not about the content; it’s about the signal of exclusion. Once you understand this, it becomes easier to separate a realistic assessment of the situation from the atavistic fear that distorts it.
It’s worth noting that the costs aren’t borne solely by the person who is the target of the gossip. Gossip erodes trust throughout the entire team, lowers morale, and creates an atmosphere in which no one (not even the gossipers—or perhaps especially them) feels completely safe. Paradoxically, those who start the gossip may feel like they’re gaining something, but in the long run, they help create an environment that harms everyone, including themselves. Working in such an atmosphere for an extended period is extremely exhausting and often represents one of the first steps toward burnout, a topic we will certainly discuss in more detail on another occasion. Toxic relationships within a team drastically accelerate this process and should be eliminated as soon as possible, in the interest of the entire team.
Specific Strategies for Dealing with Gossip
Below, I present the strategies that, in my practice, have proven to be the most effective for people struggling with this problem.
Ignoring and Not Getting Involved
Not every rumor requires a response. If the information you hear is trivial and has no real impact on your professional standing, the best strategy is often simply to ignore it. People who spread rumors are looking for a reaction: anger, excuses, or anxiety. When they don’t get that, the rumor loses its fuel.
A separate issue is that of so-called “well-meaning informants”—colleagues who regularly tell us what others are saying about us. It’s best to keep a healthy distance from them. Even if they act in good faith, such conversations rarely help; more often than not, they only increase stress levels and keep us on edge, which is exhausting. You don’t need to go into details or comment on what you’ve heard. A calm “Thank you for telling me, but I’d rather not get involved” is more than enough.
Assertive Confrontation and Setting Boundaries
If rumors begin to seriously damage your professional reputation or affect your mental health, it is essential to set clear boundaries.
It’s worth stating this clearly: people who badmouth their coworkers, in the vast majority of cases, have no formal authority over them. They are coworkers, not supervisors. Gossip is their tool precisely because they have nothing else at their disposal. The threat you feel is often much greater in your mind than it is in reality. This doesn’t diminish the pain you’re feeling, but it does change your perspective: you have much more agency in this situation than you realize.
The situation becomes more complicated when the source of the toxic atmosphere is someone in a position of formal authority. Such cases are rarer, but they do exist and require a different approach. If the problem involves a manager whose superior is unaware of the situation, it’s worth considering escalation. A documented conversation, supported by specific examples, can yield tangible results. A manager who feels that his behavior is being noticed and evaluated often changes his tone. However, if the toxicity comes from the very top of the organization, your room to maneuver is much more limited, and it’s worth asking yourself honestly: Is this job worth the cost to you?
There is one more practical tip that stems directly from research. Crossley, Woodworth, Black, and Hare demonstrated that people with Dark Triad traits are significantly less effective in written negotiations than in face-to-face ones. Their advantage relies on personal charm, tone of voice, eye contact, and other nonverbal cues. Without these tools, they lose 12.5% of their effectiveness compared to other negotiators. If you have reason to believe you’re dealing with such a person, put everything in writing.
The topic of setting boundaries wisely—so as to protect yourself without damaging professional relationships—is a broad subject that we will certainly return to. In the context of gossip, however, it’s worth keeping a few rules in mind.
Choose the right time and place. The conversation should take place one-on-one, in a quiet place, away from the rest of the team. Never when emotions are running high, and never in public. A confrontation in front of others turns the conversation into a spectacle and makes it virtually impossible to reach a positive resolution.
Focus on facts, not emotions. Your message should be specific and calm. Don’t say, “I heard that you don’t like me and that you’re talking about me everywhere,” but rather, “I’ve heard that you said [specific thing] about me. I’d like to clarify this, and I ask that in the future you speak with me directly if you have any concerns about my work.” A message like this is hard to refute because it’s based on facts, not interpretations.
Don’t make excuses or apologize. When we start making excuses, we unconsciously take on the role of someone who has something to hide. Set a boundary, state what you expect, and end the conversation. You don’t need to get the other person’s approval or an apology from them. Often, simply making the gossiping person aware that you know what they’re doing is enough to put an end to the problem. Gossip thrives in the shadows. Once brought into the open, it loses most of its power.
Identifying the problem in the group forum
If you feel up to it and believe the situation calls for it, there is a strategy that requires courage but can effectively put a stop to toxic dynamics. It involves addressing the issue directly during a meeting with the entire team.
This isn’t about attacking or publicly accusing a specific person. It’s about calmly and objectively bringing the issue to the table in the presence of everyone involved. Something like: “I’ve noticed that for some time now, information about me has been circulating within the team without my knowledge. I’d like to know if there’s a problem in our collaboration that we should discuss.”
Rumors thrive in the shadows and amid confusion. Individually, people can pretend they know nothing. In a group forum, however, this strategy no longer works. Simply asking a question shifts the balance of power and places responsibility where it belongs. However, you need to be prepared for this—some people may react defensively. It’s a good idea to have specific examples ready, stay calm, and avoid getting drawn into an argument. The goal isn’t to win the argument, but to clearly communicate that you see what’s going on.
Building a Support Network
In difficult times, we don’t have to be alone. Isolation is one of the most dangerous consequences of gossip, because when we feel that the entire team is against us, we lose perspective and start to believe what they’re saying about us. However, it’s important to remember one key thing: gossip rarely involves the entire company. Most often, it’s a small, informal group that seems larger than it actually is. The rest of the team either doesn’t know about it, isn’t interested, or quietly disagrees. That’s why building relationships with people we trust isn’t just a comfort—it’s a real strategy for protection—and a real shift in the balance of power.
It’s not about looking for allies to fight alongside or forming your own faction. It’s about having one or two people with whom you can talk honestly, check your perception of the situation, and simply not feel completely alone. Such a conversation often helps you see that the situation isn’t as common or as clear-cut as it seems when you’re in the thick of it.
Social support is one of the best-documented factors that protect against the negative effects of work-related stress. People who have a close friend or family member at work are much better at coping with difficult interpersonal situations and recover their balance more quickly. It’s also worth remembering that support doesn’t have to come exclusively from the workplace. Talking to a loved one outside the company—or, in more difficult cases, seeking psychological counseling—can provide something no coworker can offer: an outside perspective and a safe space where you can say anything without the risk of it finding its way back to the office.
When Does a Rumor Become Harassment? A Perspective from Polish Law
It is important to be able to distinguish between occasional gossip and systematic harassment. When the behavior of a group or a supervisor crosses a certain line, we are no longer dealing with a psychological issue but are entering the realm of labor law.
Pursuant to Article 94³, § 2 of the Polish Labor Code, mobbing refers to actions or behavior concerning an employee or directed against him or her, consisting of persistent and long-term harassment or intimidation. These are actions that cause the employee to underestimate their professional competence, or that result in or are intended to humiliate, ridicule, isolate, or exclude the employee from the team of coworkers.
If negative rumors are repeated, long-lasting, and intended to exclude someone from the team or destroy their reputation, this constitutes workplace bullying. In such situations, the law is on the employee’s side. The employer has a legal obligation to prevent workplace bullying (Art. 94³ § 1 of the Labor Code). An employee whose health has been impaired as a result of workplace bullying may seek monetary compensation from the employer for the harm suffered (Art. 94³ § 3 of the Labor Code).
In such a situation, it is necessary to take formal steps: documenting events, saving emails, and noting dates and witnesses. It’s also worth knowing that HR departments in different organizations serve different functions. A good HR department balances the interests of the employee, management, and the company. A bad HR department acts primarily to protect the organization from claims. Before you decide to file a report, it’s worth assessing which scenario you’re dealing with. Regardless, the fault always lies with the perpetrator, not the victim.
It is worth noting that the regulations in this area are currently being updated. On June 19, 2026, the Sejm passed a new law on combating workplace bullying, which, at the time of this writing, is awaiting consideration by the Senate. The bill introduces a new definition of workplace harassment, shifting the focus from duration to persistence, and significantly increases the minimum compensation for victims. Employers with at least nine employees will be required to implement internal anti-harassment policies. This article will be updated once the law takes effect.
When Does a Rumor Become Harassment? A Perspective from Polish Law (Updated November 5, 2026)
Not every rumor, rude comment, or conflict within a team constitutes workplace bullying. However, there may be situations in which gossip ceases to be a one-time, albeit unpleasant, incident and becomes part of persistent harassment. In such cases, the problem has not only psychological but also legal implications.
The bill amending the regulations was promulgated on August 4, 2026, and will take effect on November 5, 2026. As of that date, the Labor Code will define workplace bullying as behavior consisting of persistent harassment of an employee. persistent harassment of an employee. “Persistent” means that the behavior is repetitive, recurring, or ongoing. A single incident, therefore, does not constitute workplace bullying under labor law, even if it violates the employee’s dignity and requires a response.
In the context of rumors, it is particularly important to note that workplace bullying may involve, among other things, humiliation, disparagement, intimidation, unwarranted criticism, ridicule, hindering the performance of duties, isolation, or exclusion from the team—provided that such behavior takes the form of persistent harassment. The systematic dissemination of humiliating or false information can therefore be one of the tools of workplace bullying, especially when it leads to the exclusion of an employee, undermines their competence, or hinders their day-to-day functioning within the team.
The new regulations do not require that the person engaging in such behavior act with the intent to harass. Workplace bullying can originate from a supervisor, a coworker, a subordinate, or even a group of people. It can take the form of direct conversations, emails, communication via company messaging apps, or actions taken during team meetings. However, each situation requires an individual assessment of its context, nature, frequency, and impact on the person affected.
At the same time, not all critical feedback constitutes workplace bullying. The Labor Code clearly states that behavior toward an employee that is justified and expressed in an appropriate manner—in particular, holding an employee accountable for assigned work or offering substantive criticism of that work—cannot be considered workplace bullying. The line is therefore drawn not between a “pleasant” and an “unpleasant” message, but between sound work management and persistent harassment that violates an employee’s dignity and their standing within the team.
An employer is required to systematically combat workplace bullying: implement preventive measures, identify instances of bullying, respond appropriately, take corrective action, and support those affected. An employee who has been subjected to workplace bullying may seek compensation from the employer in an amount not less than six times the minimum wage, or damages.
If rumors become a regular means of undermining your reputation, it’s a good idea to document the facts: write down dates, the content of statements, and the people present during the incident, and save any messages. Such notes do not yet prove that workplace bullying has occurred, but they help identify a pattern of behavior and can be useful when reporting the matter to your organization. It’s a good idea to check in advance what procedures your employer has in place. The HR department operates within the employer’s organizational structure, so the extent of its independence and its procedures may vary from one organization to another. If in doubt, it may also be helpful to consult with the State Labor Inspectorate or a lawyer specializing in labor law.
Employers with at least 10 employees are required to establish rules, procedures, and the frequency of anti-harassment measures, unless these matters are already covered by a collective bargaining agreement or work regulations. Employers have six months from the effective date of the amendment to bring their documentation into compliance.
Summary
I hope this article has helped you see gossip at work from a different perspective—not just as an unpleasant incident, but as a phenomenon with its own psychology, group dynamics, and tools you can use to defend yourself against it. Remember that you don’t have to be in the midst of a major crisis to seek help. Sometimes, all it takes is the feeling that something in your work environment is bothering you, disrupting your peace of mind, and taking away the joy you get from your work.
If you feel that the situation is becoming overwhelming and your attempts to cope on your own aren’t working—I invite you to schedule a psychological consultation. Together, we can examine the situation, understand its dynamics, and develop strategies that will help you regain your peace of mind and self-confidence.
Note: This material is provided for informational and psychoeducational purposes only. It does not constitute legal advice or an individual interpretation of the law. Assessing a specific situation at work requires consideration of the circumstances involved.
PATIENT PRIVACY PROTECTION All statements, examples, and patient stories cited in the articles on this blog have been significantly altered, anonymized, and modified to prevent them from being linked to real patients. These changes include altering names, ages, genders, details of the situations, and other identifying characteristics. Any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidental.
